I broke one of my rules yesterday.

Because Easter eggs hit the stores in January in some vain attempt to make us buy half as much chocolate for twice the price because it comes in a funny shape and you can have fun smashing it against walls, the semi-recovered choc-a-holic in me set down a rule. No Easter eggs until the month that Easter is actually in, or two weeks before Easter, whichever is earlier.

Yesterday I broke the rule. Only by two days, but still.

I bought two relatively large chocolate eggs on my way back from lunch with the intention of PMT-ing into one during the afternoon and having the other as back-up for later (later in the day, later in the week, whenever), because once I have one I�m always going to want another later. Thus the rule.

The rule that I broke. Using that universal get-out clause � I have PMT therefore I can�eat chocolate, be grumpy, look frumpy, eat only deep fried food, drink a whole bottle of wine, blow off a date/appointment/meeting with friends I can�t be bothered going to. A get-out applicable to everything. Yesterday I used it to buy Easter eggs and wear the same black pants I�d worn to work the day before even though they were quite a bit crumpled.

But really isn�t all of this, with the exception of being grumpy which I can�t really control, just a convenient excuse for me to forgo willpower and effort for a couple of days? And is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Am I looking for a convenient intellectual excuse or is my body telling me I need a break every now and again from stopping myself doing things I want to do, or making myself do things I don�t want to?

After all, most days I go through life semi-well ironed, eating in moderation and actually going to the events that I say I�m going to go to. And most days I perfectly happy doing this. Hell, I may even get satisfaction out of doing it. But without a break would I go insane? Would my mind and body break down?

Is my body telling me this, or am is my conscience deciding my body is telling me this as a way of tricking me out of feeling guilty? Not guilty because of eating chocolate � I�m pretty well adjusted when it comes to body image and eating-related issues � but guilty about breaking a rule I set for myself that would have been so simple not to break.

I have no idea.

All I know is that I�m sitting here eating Easter eggs in breach of the rule and writing and thinking in circles in an attempt to justify or prevent myself from justifying doing so. And feeling much less grumpy and frumpy.

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On a completely different, and I trust more coherent, note, this salon article and its aftermath and commentaries have been keeping me amused and ponderous for days.